Kevin: Questions: Is your penis only meant for pissing and conceiving? Could one use it for masturbation? DADDIO: Its meant PRIMARILY for pissing and conceiving. Some traditions (and some scientists such as Wilhelm Reich) believe that it heterosexual intercourse also serves some critical biological functions that relate to good mental and physical health and possibly enlightenment. I’ll throw this in the ring also. But outside of this, your stepping into questionable territory. Masturbation can leave one addicted to ejaculation. Frequent release of semen can cause health problems. So go ahead, jack off. I’m not saying you can’t use your penis this way, I’m saying that, the further you move away from the more obvious functions of the thing, the closer you move toward uncertainty and the greater the odds are that you are violating laws of nature for which a price will be reaped.
Kevin: Could one use it to pass gall stones, would that be okay?
DADDIO: Sure, that’s fine – if you need to pass one. But I would suggest a systems approach to analyzing this situation. Gallstones are a disorder, a malfunction, a condition that is less than perfectly natural. Your penis was there to save the day, but the fact that there was an imbalance in your physiology that caused you to have to use it in this fashion should be of concern to you. Also, you wouldn’t want to be passing gallstones all the time because YOUR PENIS IS NOT DESIGNED FOR IT. Maybe if the next 10000 generations gradually amp up the number of gallstones they pass in a lifetime, people will be able to pass 100 gall stoned a day with damage to the tubing, but 100 gallstones TODAY would tear you to shreds. I strongly suggest that there are analogous problems with homosexual acts and homosexuality mostly because they involve uncommon uses of body parts.
Kevin: How about oral sex and hand jobs?
DADDIO: Not as deviant perhaps when one examines the forms involved, but again, to put these on a par with heterosexual intercourse is indicative of an imbalance of some sort that the individuals involved would probably be better off correcting.
Kevin: Is oral sex between same sex couples more or less offensive than oral sex between opposite sex couples?
DADDIO: I don’t find oral sex between opposite sex couples offensive at all unless they insist upon doing it right in front of me while I’m trying to have dinner with my family. Nor do I find beer drinking offensive but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that its bad for you or that its probably not as good for you as drinking clean water.
Kevin: Was latex meant to be left in trees or is it "meant" to be used for condoms and tires and elastics and paint?
DADDIO: Well, let’s keep hackin’ down rainforests and find out. Let’s keep surrounding ourselves with all this toxic shit you just listed and find out what the "meaning" of it all is. So far it means 100 different kinds of cancer that never existed before, migraines headaches, chemical allergies and hypersensitivy, Love Canal, Three Mile Island, overflowing landfills, birth defects, and my bad attitude that everyone now has deal with.
Kevin: Just some things you might want to consider before you go about preaching that homosexual acts, practiced in many species predating our own, are abnormal and unnatural.
DADDIO: Consider it considered. Thanks.
