McSues
Issue 1

December 2000

McDonalds Workers Resistance

For workers' power, international solidarity, and less than hilarious jokes about Ronald McDonald.

Issue no. 1, dedicated to Mark Hopkins, killed by electrocution in the backroom of Arndale McDonalds, Manchester, October the 12th, 1992

admitted a senior McDonalds employee last night. Pressed on the issue he added: "yeah, waddle the penguin, call it what you like, it makes your day, well it sure keeps me satisfied till lunch time".

The unprecedented outburst has been described by government officials as "deeply misguided", coming just hours after Spunky the Cocker Spaniel reported being sexually assaulted by a creepy clown. Police say they are looking for a man of medium build, wearing bright yellow breeches, stripy leggings and lots of makeup and with a deranged smile slapped across his face.

"I brainwashed youngsters into doing wrong. I want to say sorry to children everywhere for selling out to concerns who make millions by murdering animals"

Anyone who has had the frustrating experience of watching Ronald McDonald pratt about on wrap and call will know that he is an obnoxious wanker but here are ten unconfirmed rumours you may not have heard about everyone’s favourite clown.

1. Ronald McDonald is a fucking tart.
2. Ronald makes his wife and kid wait outside in the car while he does a show.
3. Ronald peeks through children’s windows at night time.
4. Underneath his makeup Ronald has a face like a derby runner and teeth like a row of condemned houses.
5. Ronald may have been responsible for the Glencoe massacre.
6. Ronald washes his genitals with shortening.
7. Ronald had a love child with Barry Gibb.
8. Ronald bongos the monkey.
9. Er…
10. That’s it.

Traditional.

The most obvious reason is that they make huge amounts of money from our hard work. If the company makes $3 Billion profit a year, and we’re on the minimum wage, it doesn’t take a genius to see that they are taking the piss out of us big time. Add to that unsociable hours, the company’s bollocks propaganda, that fucking clown (not Nigel Dunningham, the other one), never finishing when you’re meant to and then being told to fucking

smile, and it is no wonder we’re a bunch of degenerate alcoholics.

Of course there are other reasons to hate the bastards, like how they use land in poor countries at the expense of local food needs, or rear beef where once stood rainforests, but the best way we can help the environment or the exploited abroad is to fight for our own rights in our own towns.

Even as a young lad Ronald was no friend of furry things. One day, while at school (trying to get into hamburger university), Ronald told his teacher: "last night I stuck a banger up a cat’s arse"

"Rectum" the teacher replied. "Fucking blew him to pieces" said Ronald.

There are many other disgusting companies but McDonalds is a bit special; it has become a symbol for capitalism, exploitation and American world domination. If workers can take on McDonalds (and we can) then none of the bosses are safe. We have the potential to be an inspiration, not just to all McDonalds workers, but to low-paid employees the world over.

-Ray Kroc, McDonalds founder (and sad bastard) in his autobiography.

1. Work-To-Rule: Bizarrely enough, one of the best weapons at our disposal is to follow every procedure exactly. The company has developed procedures for controlling quality and hygiene that are incompatible with the labour costs they expect and the speed of production/ service they require. So in kitchen, we do everything right, and soon there’s no food in the bin. "Hustle, hustle" they’ll say, "hustle is the efficiency gained through the safe and effective use of the three Cs, it does not involve running or rushing", we reply. Eventually they have to take people off front and put them in kitchen, less people are served, and they lose money. Soon they realise that it is cheaper to give us what we want than to keep losing custom. Simple, right? What we win could just be large fries on our break, but in a couple of weeks we do it again, and all the time we are exercising our power, increasing our unity and realising our potential to win anything we want.
2. Go Slow: Like the work-to-rule only you do everything at the pace of a constipated man who has dumped down with a good book.
3. Be Stupid: This one comes naturally to me, but you know the shit, you all pretend to be salaried.
4. Fuck The Food Costs: Lettuce and cheese are quite expensive so don’t be shy with the condiments and its Big Cahoona burgers all round.
5. Local Strike: This is dangerous but we’ve done it in the past.
6. (Inter)National Strike: This is still a bit ambitious but I have a dream ..
7. Sabotage: Unplug equipment, misplace things, short circuit the grills, lose that bit of the breakfast cabinet, oh the possibilities.
8. Insubordination: "Go on fries", "nu", easy enough, yeah?
9. Steal, Steal, Steal: Happy toys make an easy target, I mean if we weren’t commy bastards we’d be doing a nice sideline punting them.
10. Have Fun: Joke and laugh your way through a shift, turn their dehumanising workplace into a creative site of resistance, then all go and get minging.

Theft is a big problem in McDonalds. For example, in Britain "mistakes" in paying workers for double time days over the last festive season must have cost us mugs thousands of pounds. ALWAYS KEEP A RECORD OF THE HOURS YOU HAVE WORKED AND NEVER TRUST THE BASTARDS TO PAY YOU WHAT YOU’RE DUE.

On a different note, it seems some workers in Britain have decided to enforce a minimum wage of £6 an hour by helping themselves to the difference. Apparently, when a customer asks for a meal they have been entering the single sandwich on their tills, the customers don’t quibble the price which appears as they know how much the meal costs (tourists and OAPs are an exception here) and the employees have been pocketing (socking) the difference, or over changing friends. Also, some employees have been keeping a few pennies lying about and if someone offers £3 for a meal, they aren’t using the till at all (they sometimes don’t know what to do with the coins but). Some employees claim to be making £30 a shift this way. As one of these scamps said "I don’t steal off customers unless they look like they can afford it, but I steal from McDonalds all the time. They think their obsession with T-Reds will stop us, will it fuck- nothing can stop us!"

Disgraceful.

Going back a while (1986) in Madrid, 4 workers who called for union elections were sacked but had to be reinstated when court ruled the dismissals illegal (ha, ha). A year earlier, in Ireland, two union activists were sacked but had to be reinstated when court ruled the dismissals illegal (ha, ha). In the same year, this is a good one, union activists in Mexico seized and occupied a McDonalds for 3 weeks and won union rights in Mexican McDonalds that still exist today. That’s the way to do it!

But our favourite McDonalds/ union story took place in Detroit way back in 1980. Workers at one store joined a union, so McDonalds organised a visit by a top baseball star, a staff disco and, wait for it, a "McBingo night". So join a trade union and you’ll get that long overdue crew night out.

"unions are inimical to what we stand for and how we operate. They peddle the line to their members that the boss will be forever more against their interests". Aye. -John Cooke, employed by McDonalds "to keep the unions out".

Dear MWR,

A group that campaigns for workers’ rights is potentially quite important for good people practices, but the way you are going about this is really quite counter-productive. It is most probably not any of my business anyway, as I am dating a first assistant so am presumably part of your "class enemy" or some such similar nonsense. I think that.. whine, whine etc.

FM, Newcastle.

Dear MWR,

I was encouraged a lot by the news of the resistance. I am working hard to tell people here of you. In the past some stores in France have achieved union rights and who is able to say what can happen in the future? Many of us here are very excited about our possibilities. Vive la resistance!

JFL, Marseilles.

One day our store collapsed and all that was left was a big fuck off pile of rubble. The rescue folk turned up and started searching for survivors and soon everyone was accounted for except one salaried manager. They could hear her shouting through the rubble, so they called "Where are you?", and she replied "In the office".

This one’s true, right. Bloke walks into our store, sits down with his mates then comes up to the counter. "May I help you please" says the salaried who had strayed out of the office and forgotten the way back. "Aye" says the guy "I’m after a wager. I’ll bet you 200 quid that I can stand 3 metres away from that regular cup, piss in it and not spill a drop". The manager doesn’t hesitate, it looks impossible. So the guy whaps his dick out and precedes to piss all over the counter, all over the floor, all over the fucking manager, the roof, in fact, he’s pissing everywhere except the fucking cup. When he finally finishes the manager asks for his money. The guy says he’ll just be a minute and goes back over to his mates. A minute later he comes back with a big grin on his face and hands over £200. "Just one question" says the manager, "You’ve just lost £200, so what are you so fucking happy about?". The guy laughs again and says "well I just bet my mate £500 that I could piss on your counter, piss on your food and piss on you, and not only would you not throw me out but you would actually be happy about it".

I’m telling you that’s the way it happened.

We work for a company that has an annual turnover of $30 Billion, but whose business depends on $2 Billion dollars a year spent on a fucking clown. They make $3 Billion profit annually, pay us the lowest they possibly can and insist on insulting us annually with those disgusting frozen cakes. They expect us to develop a "corporate identity", experience a "family feeling" (these guys must have had pretty fucked up childhoods) and genuinely think that advertising "free uniform" as a job perk will help recruitment.

Most of us get through our shifts by taking the piss out of the company and the sycophantic wankers who get tearful when people don’t use the scoop. And no wonder- it’s fucking hilarious. Or at least it is apart from one thing; we’re the fuckers that pay for it. And as long as they are stealing from us, exploiting us, and getting rich from our labour, they (the bosses) will be laughing loudest.

It’s up to us (me and you) to silence them.

@ANTI-COPYRIGHT, please copy and distribute.

Join the debate at ‘McSpotlight’- http://www.mcspotlight.org/